Play-by-Post: Match 07 Round 06 SLAUGHTERHOUSE

Bunsen - Ghost Rider - Swedish Chef - Rizzo Rat - Dr. Zoidberg - Miss Piggy - Meathook - Gaucho

Round 1 Round 2 Round 3 Round 4 Round 5

Bunsen Honeydew is surrounded, but not for long, as he sends Meathook hurtling to the lower level!
Gaucho & Meathook are BLOODIED!! Ghost Rider burns into existence, leaps to the upper level, chain-grapples Honeydew off his perch, then takes it for his own!
Bunsen Honeydew is GIBBED!! The Swedish Chef combats the edge of the conveyor, then manages to cleave Meathook in twain before sliding off into the Grinder for the last time!
Meathook is GIBBED!!
The Swedish Chef is GIBBED!!
Rizzo the Rat shimmers into focus (the respawn effect is achieved with jelly beans) on 'port 1! He then kicks some WTF ass, knocking both Gaucho & Ghost Rider off their perch!
Ghost Rider is GIBBED!! Dr. Zoidberg erects himself upon squidly appendages, disgusting Miss Piggy enough that, eventually, she stumbles into the GRINDER!!
Miss Piggy is GIBBED!! Miss Piggy, at 'port 3, takes her chance to distance the INCREDIBLY NARROW lead! Her hellish onslaught GIBS Zoidberg (revenge!) and cripples Gaucho!
Gaucho & Zoidberg are dropped!
Zoidberg is GIBBED!!
Meathook does his best to smash the sow, but ultimately HUMILIATES himself into the GRINDER!!
Meathook is GIBBED!!
Gaucho self-GIBS!!
Gaucho, as his last act, pulls off a beautiful FLAWLESS VICTORY on the hapless Rizzo Rat!
Rizzo is DROPPED!!
The Muppets WIN THE MATCH!!
11 vs 15


  1. The good doctor rubs his felt-y hands together. "It seems we have time for just one more science lesson today! And it shall be..." Bunsen finds himself interrupted as static electricity sparks from himself to the control panel next to him. Immediately, sparks spring forth from the console as smoke of various colors drift from the openings on the machine. With a loud bang, one of the nearby nail guns go off.

    "Oh my, it appears our lesson shall be lab safety then!" With a press of his mystical button, the giant pipe emerges yet again, tilted to aim diagonally down at the panel. "Remember to clean up after yourselves to prevent harm to future lab workers." A final push of the button causes the pipe to begin shaking just before it sends a torrent of water straight at the doctor, washing over him and the control panel, and heading past him to Zoidberg, who gets caught up in the current and dragged perilously close to the grinder!

    Minor: Activate Nail Gun on Gaucho and Meathook
    +8 vs AC 18 (G) 14 (MH)
    1d10 +7 and pushed into the grinder (diagonally away still counts as away)

    Standard: Dimensional Scramble, 2 augment, centered at teleport 8
    +6 vs Fort 15
    2d6 +5 and teleport to I7

    If Meathook fell into the grinder, then drop prone

    If Meathook didn't fall, then activate Hand of Caution Effect (it's been waiting all this time to be used) to push Meathook to I8 then off the conveyor to J7

  2. Magic of the Nailgun - one by one:
    Gaucho: (18)+8 = 26 vs AC 18 - HIT!!
    Meathook: (16)+8+4 = 28 vs AC 14 - HIT!!
    for (7)+7 = 14 damage, leaving Gaucho BLOODIED at 13 HP and Meathook BLOODIED at 14 HP!

    But does that matter?
    Push! Gaucho - (18) - PRONE in F-9!
    Push! Meathook - (12) - PRONE in I-8!

    And Bunsen's signature move, Dimensional Scramble, AUGMENTED!! - (5)+6 = 11 vs Fort 15 - MISS!!

    The mysterious Hand of Caution - Push! (5) - FAIL!! FALL!! (2)+(8) = 10 damage! Evidently, the slab of panther steak is trained in Acrobatics (whoulda thought?), reducing the damage by (7)+4 = 11/2 = 5, for a total 5 damage, leaving Meathook prone, on the lower level, in square J-7, with 9 HP.

    Ghost Rider respawns in location (6), with the Pig and the Chef in GIBBING distance!

  3. Ghost Rider charges the Chef to deliver some long overdue payback.

    The Spirit of Vengeance fixes the Chef in his Penance Stare and immobilizes the culinary criminal with the memories of the pain he has inflicted on others over the course of 30+ years!

    Noble Kale then launches himself to the upper platform and whirls about, fixing his sights upon Bunsen. If the ghoulish guardian could grin, the ghastly expression would have conveyed all the giddy gaiety of a cat playing with its prey. The spirit whispers, "Get Over Here!" and sends chains forged of hellfire to drag the doctor to his doom.

    Charge (standard) the Chef and immobilize him with Foesnare: +8 vs AC 18 (prone), 2d4+5 dmg and immobilized until the end of my next turn.
    Telekinetic Leap (move) 5 squares to upper platform and land on F9.
    Aegis of Ensnarement (minor). Bunsen is marked and if he makes an attack that doesn't include me, I'll teleport him adjacent to me--and over the hungry grinder.


    Lightning Lure against the Doctor: +5 vs Fort 13, 1d6+5 lightning damage and pull to him adjacent to me--and over the hungry grinder.

    1. Actually, your turn ends after a charge, except for free actions

  4. Yeah, what he said. As freakin' cool as that sounds, I'm-a gonna have to have you restructure that turn. Mkay?

    1. Awww geez, I've been offline all day!

      In that case, skip the charge. Move to the upper level and attack Bunsen as described. If he falls,us the AP to jump to the platform. If the attack misses or Bunsen makes his save, use the AP to repeat the attack.

  5. Sorry for the delay, folks! Simply had to work on these lovely things. I'm sure you understand.

    Lightning Lure - (8)+5 = 13 vs Fort 13 - on the nose HIT!! for (1)+5 = 6 damage!

    Now, before adjusting the HP, let's see, save vs hindering movement - (8) - FAIL!! Bunsen is GIBBED in the Grinder!

    Ghost Rider leaps to the platform - Athletics (18)+6 = 24 - no problemo!

    So, Move/Standard/AP... Still a Minor to spend - as per email, "Flip the switch to nail Piggy, sending her onto the adjacent conveyor!"

    Nailgun - (3)+8 = 11 vs AC 19 - MISS!! No pushed pork for you!

    And... The Swedish Chef saves - (12) - YET AGAIN! and starts his turn prone on the conveyor, with the Krater in his (extremely human-like for a Muppet) hand.

    Fun fact: Kale is one of the most nutritionally dense foods on the planet! I don't know about Noble Kale though...

  6. C'mon boys, just one more kill and we tie this game!

    W!!! T!!! F!!!
    W!!! T!!! F!!!
    W!!! T!!! F!!!

  7. Knowing that time is almost up, he shouts his last "BORK BORK!" and throws it all down on Meathook.


    Move: Stand up

    Minor: Activate Krater of Might. POWAAAAAAAH!

    Standard: Lasting Threat on Meathook, 5(str)+2(wpn)+2(CA)

    No more Action Point for me, right? =)

    1. You also have +4 for Meathook's Avalanche

  8. Boy, can he even miss with that? (2) - maybe if he's drinking hooch!!

    But wait, let's add this all up - (2)+5+2+2+4 = 15 vs AC 14 - HIT!! for (5)+(7)+(3)+5 = 20 damage! Meathook being dropped to -11 HP is AWESOME, but in the last round of the match you'll have to do better than that! (any triggered actions will need to be brought up before the next dungeoneer takes their turn...)

    And you're right - no AP! Which means more conveyor... (4) - FAIL!! GIBBED!! It's a TIE SCORE everybody!

    Fun Fact: I rolled like eight dice for that damage. Silly Brutal.

    1. could i still follow up with my Takedown Strike?

  9. Doh! Totally forgot Rizzo's location for his respawn! (1) is the number of the rolling, and the number of the rolling is (1)!

  10. @Kurt - I was picturing Holy Grail, actually.

    @juaberman - Looks like the next dungeoneer hasn't gone yet, sure!

    Takedown Strike adds 5 damage to the total, bringing Meathook down to -16 HP total
    GIBBED!! Tie? Where? Is there a dress code?

    Rizzo's on up!

  11. Posted for Stephen:

    Rizzo pops up near where Meathook dropped the jelly beans, but there are enemies in between. He scurries around tries to get those people away from the jelly beans.

    Move: Move to D8
    Minor: Use Battlemind’s Demand on Gaucho.
    Standard: Bull’s Strength augment 2 with Ghost Rider and Gaucho in the blast area. Attack both attacks are +8 vs. AC (18) 1d8 + 5 damage. If they are hit, Ghost Rider is pushed into the Grinder, Gaucho is pushed to G10 (down to the bottom level).

  12. Sweet. Maybe we'll have jelly beans instead of candy corn?

    Bull's Strength on Ghost Rider - (17)+8 = 25 vs AC 18 - HIT!!
    on Gaucho - (20) - CRITICAL HIT!!

    Ghost Rider takes (6)+5 = 11 damage, leaving 18 HP! Gaucho takes MAX (8)+5 = 13 damage, leaving him at 1 HP!! And they get pushed!

    Ghost Rider - (7) - FAIL!! FALL!! GIBBED!!
    Gaucho - (5) - FAIL!! FALL!! (8)+(3) = 11 damage, reduced by (16)+9 = 25/2 = 12 - holy crap folks. I don't think I've seen this happen before. By RAW, he lands on his feet.

    Gaucho is standing, with 1 HP, in square G-10!

    Zoidberg's turn starts with him on his swan bladesong!

  13. Finding himself with another dismaying lack of viable targets, Zoidberg eyes Miss Piggy from across the room. He may not be able to charge at her like he's accustomed to, but there's more than one way to skin a pig...

    Move: Stand up
    Standard: Charm of Misplaced Wrath against Miss Piggy. +4 +2(Bladesong) vs Will 12.
    On a hit, Slide her 3 squares in to the grinder by way of E4. If she saves the fall, then she is Dazed until end of my next turn. The effect of the power also allows the target to make a free basic attack against a creature of my choice as a free action, with +2 to the damage. There's nobody else around except the pig herself, but since she probably can't judo-chop her own neck, I'll just sit back and watch the last 3 turns of the match

  14. Quite possibly the single most damaging first level attack in the game! Can you imagine landing this on Orcus? Boom! Basic Attack!

    Anyway - (8)+4+2 = 14 vs Will 12 - HIT!! Miss Piggy slides towards the Grinder: save vs fall - (14) - PRONE!! And DAZED!!

    And yeah, she could fling those makeup-shuriken at anyone on the first floor... but I get that you probably don't want that. So it's kinda like dropping a machine gun - those shuriken go wild all over the place as the pig slams onto the conveyor!

    Ah, but was that save for naught? Miss Piggy's turn starts with another slide down the conveyor - (3) - FAIL!! GIBBED!!

    Miss Piggy respawns at location (3), safe and... un-dazed.

  15. “Hey those controls look like the Swine Trek’s, maybe I can fly us out of here.” With a mighty leap Piggy jumps to the control platform and starts hitting buttons and flipping toggles. “Wait how many toggle flips in total do I need to get this damn thing off the ground?” And suddenly all hell breaks loose on the lower level.

    Move: Use the Crane’s Wings move to jump to the platform. 6+5 athletics and am considered to have a running start (so even on a 1 I make it).
    Minor: Use the nail gun @ I12 to hit Zoidburg and Gaucho, +8 vs. AC (18 for both) for 1d10+7 damage.
    Standard: If Gaucho hasn’t been gibbed, I activate the conveyer belt. If Gaucho has been gibbed, I go on total defense. If I happen to go on a killing spree, I do both.

    1. Wait, utterly crazy thought. Would Hellfire Touch work with the Nailgun? If not, I use above. If so:

      Move: Same.
      Minor: Hellfire Touch (+5 fire/necrotic and slide 5 on next hit or 5 to me if I don't hit)
      Standard: Nail gun as above, using hellfire touch on Zoidburg if I hit just him or both and send him over the edge @ I7. If I just hit Gaucho, I send him down the conveyer.
      Killing spree: If both aren't gibber and either is on the conveyer, activate the conveyer. If no one's on the conveyer, total defense.

  16. Hellfire Touch: The next creature you hit with an attack before the end of this turn takes blah blah blah

    Yep. That'll do 'er. Hell-pig is on the platform. (9)+11 = 20 vs DC 7 - for the pedants.

    Zoidberg: (20) - CRITICAL HIT!! for (10)+7 = 17 damage!
    Gaucho: (13)+8 = 21 vs AC 18 - HIT!! for (5)+7 = 12 damage!

    Both get pushed 1, Zoidberg takes 5 extra fire/necrotic damage and slides 5. Zoidberg is at -12 HP, and Gaucho is at -11 HP! KILLING SPREE!!

    Zoidberg saves vs fall - (8) - FAIL!! GIBBED in the Grinder!!

    Gaucho's still holding on when Miss Piggy activates the conveyor, but must save against fall - (19) - tenacious little bastard, ain't he?

    Gaucho is prone and dying at -11 HP in square G-9, as Meathook respawns at location (8).

    1. This just officially became the BLOODIEST ROUND this match!!

      And, oh yeah, Graham? Nyah nyah na na na!

    2. In the unlikely event of a sudden death round, I activate Dark Reaping if either of my drops are within 5 squares (cube?).

  17. In the EXTREMELY unlikely event that Meathook ties the match, Gaucho will take a death save.

  18. Who wants me to throw another shrimp on the barby?!? Before this pork chop hits the grill, it teleports away, hoping to retrieve his jelly bean glaze from Rizzo.

    Lets play Teleporter roulette! If I end up on pad 1/3/4, move next to Rizzo and use avalanche strike. If I drop him, but probably not gib him...:(, use swift charge to go after Ms Piggy. Probably the best I can do...

    Oh, my kingdom for an action point!

  19. Ok, move action to work the 'porter, depositing Meathook on location (2). And...

    So... didja want to charge Rizzo? He's just a DC 20 Athletics check away!

    1. I can't use avalanche strike on a charge, but I am within 6 squares, assuming I don't HAVE to activate telepad when I step on it (or can jump over, athletics +9)...

  20. Here we go! Some email back-and-forth, but we have a plan!

    Meathook bull rush charges Miss Piggy!
    •   Athletics - (6)+9 = 15 vs DC 15 - SUCCESS!!
    •   Bull Rush - (1) - HUMILIATION!! OH SNAP!!

    Meathook fails to knock Miss Piggy off her perch, and falls, prone, to a meat grindery gibbery death!!

    "In the EXTREMELY unlikely event that Meathook ties the match, Gaucho will take a death save." - CSR

    Nope. Not tied. Gaucho self-GIBS!! to respawn at location (2). For bookkeeping, Piggy is Darkly Reaping.

  21. "I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
    Gaucho sees Rizzo Rat eyeballin' him and decides to pick a fight. How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't want to die without any scars.

    Activate Aspect of the Dancing Serpent, the important part being a +1 bonus to attacks against enemies with none of its allies adjacent.

    Move up next to Rizzo Rat, via I6 - I7 - H9 - G9 - F9 - E9

    Carrikal against Rizzo Rat activating everything I can; Power Strike, Takedown Strike, Heroic Effort
    Attack: +9 vs. AC 19
    Hit: 1d8 (brutal 2) +1d8 +10 damage, knocked prone, and (free action on a hit) make a secondary attack with Dual Weapon Attack.
    Miss: Use Heroic Effort if within 4.

    Dual Weapon Attack with the shortsword
    Attack: +10 vs. AC 19; +1 stance, +2 combat advantage against prone
    Hit: 1d6+5 damage
    Miss: Use Heroic Effort if within 4.

    Can't win the match, but we're going down fighting!

  22. Attack!! (another important part of the Serpent is +1 damage as well)

    (7)+9 = 16+4 = 20 vs AC 19 - HIT!! for (6)+(7)+11 = 24 damage, prone, and a second attack!

    (16)+12 = 28 vs AC 19 - HIT!! for (5)+6 = 11 damage!

    Let's see... that's... 35 total damage! Rizzo is at 0 HP! That doesn't change the score, but what an awesome FLAWLESS VICTORY!!

  23. This hereby concludes Match 07 of PbP FTDM! The Muppets emerge victorious!

    Rizzo gets a lifetime supply of jelly beans, Miss Piggy gets a lifetime supply of cosmetics, The Chef gets an all-iron-clad kitchen set, complete with extra-large aebelskiver pan, and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew receives the Nobel Prize for Team Deathmatch!

    Statler: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't watched it.
    Waldorf: Believe what?
    Statler: I don't know - I wasn't watching.

  24. That was fun. I can't wait for the next one. Hope to see you all there.

  25. Hooray!

    My awesome TEAM MUPPET teammates, thanks! Woohoo!

    Thanks also TEAM WTF for an awesome match!

    See ya at the next bloodbath! Bork bork!

  26. Everyone contributed to a great game, not the least of which was a stellar job by Dungeon Master Angille. Well, everyone except Hap, embarrassingly!

    Really happy to see new faces and to hear that everyone had a fun time. I'l be posting something soon updating the PbP high scores, the Spring Rules Changes, as well as recruitment for the next PbP game. I, at least, won't be running anything until after the chaos of PAX East has died down.