Play-by-Post: Match 07 Round 04 SLAUGHTERHOUSE

Bunsen - Ghost Rider - Swedish Chef - Rizzo Rat - Dr. Zoidberg - Miss Piggy - Meathook - Gaucho

Round 1 Round 2 Round 3 Round 5 Round 6

Bunsen Honeydew respawns on 'port 5, and unleashes a confused rocket-propelled Beaker upon his enemies!
Ghost Rider is BLOODIED!! Ghost Rider finds himself in familiar territory! Taking advantage of the control panel, he scoots everyone he can, and shoots at everyone he can, resulting in...
The Swedish Chef is GIBBED!! The Swedish Chef respawns on 'port 2, again faced with his flaming skulled nemesis! Who he completely ignores, and unleashes everything on Meathook!
The Swedish Chef is BLOODIED!!
Meathook is GIBBED!!
Rizzo Rat starts his turn prone. On a conveyor. In the sLaughterhouse. And so he ends his turn, but thankfully not due to inaction! Dr. Zoidberg is GIBBED!! TIE SCORE!! Zoidberg falls into the Grinder and respawns, only to see the jelly bean coveting rat at his feet. Ignoring Rizzo, he DOGPILES onto Ghost Rider and pulls out all the stops!
Miss Piggy goes on a treasure hunt!
Meathook appears on the scene at spawn 2, swings at Bunsen Honeydew, and grabs some spicy wings!
Meathook is GIBBED!!


  1. Whoa the countdown timer is awesome!

    1. Oh good, I was just hoping it wasn't too pretentious. Check out the code if you want - it's calibrated against Pacific time, but I'm working on making time zone of the DM a variable.

  2. Whoa, when did a timer get put into play?! That's awesome!!!


    The click of a button proceeds the reappearance of Doctor Bunsen Honeydew in the arena. “Well, that was a nice vacation, but there is more to do in the name of science! We must keep up our efforts in space exploration, so Beaker shall now demonstrate how to achieve orbit while hang gliding and attached to three JATO rockets.”

    Another press of his mystical button and a screaming figure flies horizontally through the arena, the Muppet on board barely visible. The look of panic isn't helped when two of the rockets break off, flying around in circles for a bit before exploding, knocking Ghost Rider and Zoidberg to possible doom!

    Minor: Hellfire Touch

    Standard: Dimensional Scramble, unaugmented, centered next to control panel
    +6 vs Fort 12 (Heroic Effort if needed)
    1d6 +5 +5 fire/necrotic and teleport off the platform. If he doesn’t teleport off, then slide off the edge due to Hellfire Touch.

    Action Point: Dimensional Scramble, unaugmented, centered at K4
    +6 vs Fort 13 (Heroic Effort if needed and usable)
    1d6 +5 (+5 if previous missed), teleport to I6, slide into grinder if previous missed

    Take 5 fire/necrotic if both missed

    Move to B2

    Free Action: Taunt Meathook with another For Science! floating image with Send Thoughts

  3. When?
    Now! We're at now, now.

    Ok, let's see. Dimensional Scramble A - (10)+6 vs Fort 12 - HIT!! for (5)+5+5 = 15 damage! Let's see if the 4 HP Ghost Rider has left even matter. Save vs 'port - (12) - ok so far... Save vs slide - (12) - PRONE!! Evidently, the Devil still has tasks left for the poor soul on the platform!

    And Dimensional Scramble B - (6)+6 = 12+4 = 16 vs Fort 13 - HIT!! for (2)+5 = 7 damage, leaving Zoidberg at 21 HP, and precariously on the conveyor!

    Ghost Rider's up next, precariously prone on the pernicious platform of pestilence!

  4. The dim hellfire flame from within the Ghost Rider gutters and extinguishes momentarily as the skeletal avenger collapses at the foot of the console. However, vengeance is not inanimate for long--a secret fire ignites! Consuming the spirit from within, his earthly vessel is revived and reformed: http://marvel.com/universe/Ghost_Rider_(Noble_Kale)

    Ol' Match-head reaches up and mashed the buttons on the console again.

    The conveyors activate! Rizzo races off the precipice onto the lower level, where he swiftly follows The Chef and Zoidburg into the grinder, merging into a bitter muppet/seafood stew.

    A nailgun beside Bunsen blindsides him with science!


    Second Wind! +8 hp and +2 to all defenses until the end of my next turn.
    Activate the conveyors. Sorry Zoidberg! It's a 2:1 special on muppets though.
    Nail gun +8 vs Bunsen's AC 18. I believe that I can push Bunsen to C3 as it is further away from either gun. If not, then towards one of the conveyors is fine.

  5. Damn to the depths whatever man thought of the saving throw!
    That would be the Gygax. (you can even imagine me saying it, if you like)

    Ok, let's roll those falling saves real quick, then figure out the results. In initiative order, Chef - (7) - GIBBED!! Rizzo - (14) - PRONE!! Zoidberg - (19) - PRONE!!

    Nail gun - (5)+8-2 (prone) = 11 vs AC 18 - MISS!! (but hey, aren't you glad I didn't let you retroactively re-prone last round?)

    And look! Someone other than Bunsen is taking advantage of the fact that the DM has mystical powers of Photoshop! Map update soonish - work EXPLODED today! (sortta literally - I had purple goo all over my face earlier - here's hoping I get a useful mutation)

    Swedish Chef respawns at position (2) - and the eternal struggle of Marvel vs Muppet continues!

  6. Bork Bork! After exploding and having stomach aches last turn, he decides to get back to work and mince these enemies with his very swedish cleaver of death

    Minor: Stone's Endurance (5 DR)
    Move: attempt to jump to L6 on lower level if allowed, if not, k6 then; +13 roll twice
    Standard: charge Meathook +10 vs. AC and use Takedown Strike if hit (total of 1d8 + 10 and knock Meathook prone)
    Action point (if Meathook is still not DEAD): use Lasting Threat on Meathook +9/ +11 (depends if prone) vs. AC for 3d8 + 5 damage hopefully killing Meathook.

    1. The Carrikal is a brutal 2 weapon as well.

    2. So the chef is using gravity as a meat-tenderizer on himself? Good luck with that! I should know, I tried that in round 1....

  7. I've always thought "brutal 2" was a really strange property. Why not call it a smaller die with +2? Which is actually what I'm going to do should these attacks hit. (Avalanche Strike? They should.)

    Stone's Endurance - good good, since The Chef isn't trained in Acrobatics. Auto-succeed at the landing placement, but there's falling damage: (9)+(10)-5 = 14 damage - BLOODIED and PRONE!!

    Crawl-charge against Meathook (for science) - (11)+7+1+4-2 = 21 vs AC 14 - HIT!! for (4+2)+5+5 = 16 damage, leaving Meathook BLOODIED at 13 HP!!

    But that's not all!! Nobody knows where Jim is, but Frank keeps wailing away with the cleaver! Lasting Threat - (20) - CRITICAL HIT!! for (8)+(8)+(8)+5 = 29 damage - Meathook is GIBBED!! (and marked UEoE or Chef's next drop)

    The Swedish Chef slides to J-8, and Rizzo - (13) - remains prone in C-8. Map updates in early Pacific time AM.

    1. Looking at the HP totals, I assume the Swedish Chef is at 4 due to Stormhawk's Vengeance. Shouldn't Stormhawk's Vengeance be reduced by 5 due to Stone's Endurance?

  8. @Kurt -
    You'd be absolutely right on both accounts! S'pose that's what happens when I post and update the map several hours off of each other. I'll fix the HP after Rizzo's turn.

  9. Posting for Stephen:

    Rizzo stands up and looks around. “Hey what are my jelly beans doing on the control panel? Flame head step away from the jelly beans!” Sheer force of will engulfs Ghostrider as Rizzo will not be stopped when food is involved.

    Move: Stand up
    Standard: Bull’s Strength augment 2, close blast 3 +8 vs. AC (20) damage 1d8+5 and push 1.

    If this drops Ghostrider:
    Action point: Move D9, E9 (and F9 if necessary) to get a running start and jump to the control platform, athletics 3
    Minor: Use nail gun at L4 on the lower level to attack Zoidburg. +8 vs. AC (18), damage 1d10+7 and push 1.
    Free: Eat jelly beans

    If Ghostrider doesn’t drop:
    Minor: use Battlemind’s Demand to mark Ghostrider
    Free: Pout about lost jelly beans

  10. Bull's Strength - (3)+8 = 11 vs AC 20 - MISS!! Elf? No. Avenger? No. Still a miss.

    Ghost Rider is marked UEoE, or until Rizzo uses Battlemind's Demand again.

    Rizzo pouts. And keeps his AP. And saves vs fall - (10) - PRONE!! (again)

    And while we're staring at his sheet, why don't we retributively hand back 3 HP, since the guy's wearing splint mail that nobody reminded me about. (hint hint)

    Zoidberg's up next! Save vs fall - (5) - GIBBED!! in the Grinder! Respawn at position (4) - too bad he didn't have the Wings, huh?

  11. Gotta post this real quick before I head out for work

    Move: Fey Step on to Control Platform
    Minor: Nailgun attack on Rizzo, +8 vs AC 19, 1d10+7 damage and push him off the conveyor down to the next floor (landing on C7).

    If Rizzo falls, then
    Minor: Activate conveyors to (hopefully) send Rizzo and Chef to their dooms

    If Rizzo doesn't get hit, or makes his save, then
    Standard: Magic Missile on Chef for 6 damage, dropping him below 0 HP.

  12. At first, I was like, "Fey step on to... whuuuht?" and then I took a rulebook to the leg.

    Looks like the only limiter for allies in the same square is prone or not. Hey, you could get three prone allies and one standing all on the platform!

    Nailgun - (14)+8 = 22 vs AC 19 - HIT!! for (5)+7 = 12 damage, leaving Rizzo at 16 HP! Push - save vs fall - (20) - what? That couldn't have been a 3[W] attack, jsDice?

    Rizzo made his save, so I'll just follow the flowchart... Magic Missile against the Swedish Chef! 6-5 resist = 1 damage, leaving him bloodied at 8 HP (boy, that Stone's Endurance is pretty swank, huh?)

    Miss Piggy respawns at location (5), quite possibly ready for a treasure hunt!

    Since this is two map updates at once, I'll remind folks that snapshots are stored on my site.

    1. sonofa... I was looking at the Chef's HP on the map before you updated the graphics, hence why I thought the missile would kill him. all my fault for forgetting the DR from Stone's Endurance, though. Would have executed my turn a little differently, but that's what I get for posting when I'm in a rush. :(

  13. The pace has really picked up this round, lovin' it!

  14. Miss Piggy, seeing no good targets, decides to go shopping. She strolls over and grabs a pair of wings. Then she pulls a giant “diet” sandwich from her purse and tosses it to the Swedish Chef.

    Move: Move to I3.
    Minor: pick up the Wings of Wrath
    Minor: Use Rune of Mending on the Swedish Chef (healing surge (7) to take him to 15 hp)

    Not much of a turn, but what can you do?

  15. On the next map update, could you generate a little icon for Stone's Endurance, a la the icons for Magic Items and Marks and Hand of Caution, etc.

  16. I'll make this quick-ish, since I have little computer access until the morning.

    Miss Piggy retieves (1) - Boots of Speed! (deja vu?)

    Meathook spawns at (2)!

  17. Actually I was going for the Wings of Wrath on the floor.

  18. Oh fiddlesticks! So, one of the interesting things about the items on E1M1 is that they must be retrieved from the square itself rather than an adjacent square. There are two ways off the top of my head that Miss Piggy can get there, so just let me know if you want to do that, and I'll make sure the next map update reflects that.

  19. Oh well, boots of speed may work just as well.

  20. The meathook is gonna play teleporter roulette!

    Tech: Move to teleporter #1 at G4. Await my new coordinates. I hate when I can't charge anyone! ...come on, roll a 4, 5, or 8!

  21. Ok - 'port to (1)+4 = 5.

  22. No fuss, no frills, just meat on your grills!

    Avalanche strike vs Bunsen! +8 vs AC, use heroic effort if need be. 3d10+8 damage on a hit. Place target on my back (+4 vs me until SoNT)

    If I hit and drop him, swift charge Ms Piggy, +9 vs AC, 1d10+6 on a hit....

    1. -2 to those attack rolls for being marked by the Chef with Lasting Threat :)

  23. Avalanche Strike - (6)+6 = 12 vs AC 18 - MISS!! Amazingly, The Chef saves his teammate! (I'd forgotten the mark at first, so kept rolling - 33 damage woulda dropped the Doc!)

    Did you want to take your move and/or minor, Mr. I'm-standing-on-a-spawnpoint?

    1. Whoops, the move was used to 'port. Ya got any tricks up your sleeve, or should we start Gaucho's turn?

  24. I'll draw an item, what the hell. This match is turning me into the worst sort of gambler...a losing one! On to gaucho!

  25. Meathook draws (10) - Wings of Wrath! If someone pushes you into the Grinder, you're set!

    Gaucho respawns at location (5) - Whoah! Wings of Wrath ain't gonna save ya from TELEFRAG!!

    And here I was, thinking we were actually going to see all 8 dungeoneers on the board at once for the first time...

  26. Okee dokee folks! Next round'll be posted soonish! Gaucho ends his turn prone on top of a spawn point. Awesome.