Play-by-Post: Match 07 Round 01 SLAUGHTERHOUSE

Bunsen - Ghost Rider - Swedish Chef - Rizzo Rat - Dr. Zoidberg - Miss Piggy - Meathook - Gaucho

Round 2 Round 3 Round 4 Round 5 Round 6

The illustrious Doctor Bunsen Honeydew spawns at 6, to find himself in the lower level of a hellish Slaughterhouse! Practicing "Safe Science" he backs up and fortifies.
Not a moment too soon, for Mephisto deposits Ghost Rider at spawn 8! Taking full advantage of his surroundings, he fires at, but misses the lemon-colored scientist.
Facing him down from across the gap, The Swedish Chef appears at spawn 4. He then proceeds to knock the bechained cycler RIGHT OFF HIS PERCH INTO THE GRINDER!
Ghost Rider has been GIBBED!!
Rizzo Rat appears on spawn 3, surrounded by felt friends. Also, evidently, surrounded by fear and confusion, as he leaps right into the grinder.
Rizzo Rat has been GIBBED!! Zoidberg, a strange crablike spermatozoa rider materializes at spawn 1, leaps down to the lower level and charges Bunsen, only to be turned away by his formidable defenses!
Miss Piggy appears on spawn 8, ready for action! And action she takes - slamming into Zoidberg with battle-starting ferocity, she puts him in a most telefraggable spot! (hmm... telefraggle?)
Doctor Zoidberg has been BLOODIED!! Meathook shows up, marinating in those lovely deathmatch juices, at position 2! He THWATS onto the lower level, SPLUTTS over to Miss Piggy, and IMPALES her with his angry, angry hook!
Miss Piggy has been BLOODIED!! Gaucho, wearing a familiar face, finds himself at position 1! Wasting no time, he 'ports to the lower floor and fires his bow at Miss Piggy, taking her below 0 HP! Now there are TWO grisly animated slabs of pork on the grid!
Miss Piggy is DAZED and DYING!! Next round begins HERE and NOW!!


  1. I figured I'd throw in a couple of rules clarifications before the ball gets rolling too fast.

    The conveyors really do slide you 1 square for every square you actively enter, and for starting a turn, and for ending a turn. They do not slide you if your movement is forced.

    You can use Athletics to attempt to jump over the conveyors. You can use Acrobatics to attempt to continue moving after a fall. You can charge across the conveyors as long as each square of intentional movement moves you closer to your target.

    As per an email conversation with CSR, Respawn and Forced Teleportation are completely random - I will be rolling a d8 to determine destination. Teleportation Archway (to limit flowcharts and delayed actions) allows the dungeoneer to choose a floor - I will be rolling a d4 to determine destination.

  2. Can Controls>Conveyor and Controls>Nailgun both be used on the same turn, assuming you have enough actions? Or can the Controls only be used once a turn?

  3. Both controls powers can be used on the same turn, provided you have enough Minor Actions to drop.

  4. OOC: My first official FTDM post!!

    A bright red column of curtain drops out of the above platform, surrounding the teleport square as music issues forth from unseen speakers:

    Spotlights illuminate the curtain from all angles, and just when the music ends, confetti falls, fireworks explode all around, and the curtain rises to reveal a bespectacled scientist, arms raised high in triumph. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew takes a moment to look around before fixing his glasses into place.

    “No one is present for my magnificent performance. Not to worry, for science will always press on. I shall simply bide my time with this shiny trinket and send myself into the future using cryopreservation!” The doctor take a step back and pulls out a remote with a big red button on it and presses it, causing a large faucet to extend from the darkness surrounding the platforms. With another press of the button, it lets out a deluge of liquid nitrogen, coating him in a protective layer of ice.

    Minor action: Take magic item
    Move action: Shift to K2
    Standard action: Total Defense for +2 to all defenses

  5. Bunsen pulls from the font (18) - a Mystic Urn!

    As he settles in for the rest of the round, Ghost Rider makes his appearance on Spawn (8).

    Map will be updated in the AM.

    Oh! And the clarification that I actually had in mind but brainfarted on for that first post came back! Despite appearances, the edges of the map are walls. If you push someone into an edge, they stop; they don't go falling off into black pixels of gravity. Also, flyers have to go through the pits, not around the edge of the map.

  6. As per email:

    A sulfurous cloud fills the air and Mephisto, King of Hell appears! The gigantic devil dashes a burning skeleton to the ground and monologues, "You have foiled me again, Ghost Rider but I shall be rid of you at last. Here you shall remain to the end of your days, never knowing peace – only eternal battle!"

    As the reek dissipates, so too does the ancient devil's physical form. The Ghost Rider leaps to his feet. It is too late to return through Mephisto's portal, but it matters not so long as there is evil yet
    to vanquish upon the bleak and lonesome plane.

    The Spirit of Vengeance settles his gaze upon the lone muppet and is enlightened with the knowledge of the inventor's many sins. "Dr Bunsen Honeydew, creator of abominations and defiler of the natural laws! Justice has found you at last."

    Uncoiling from about his biker's jacket, the Ghost Rider's hellfire-infused chain lashes out to the control panel above and pulls him hence. He braces himself for the trials to come and experimentally pushed a button on the control panel.

    Telekinetic Leap - Ghostie flies diagonally 5 sq (25 ft) to the control platform.
    Total Defense - +2 to all defenses!
    Controls (Nailgun) - One of the closest adjacent nailguns fires at the
    Dr! +8 vs AC 17 (d10 + 7 dmg and push 1 diagonally towards I3.

    Alas, the nails miss their mark! (6) +8 = 14 vs AC 19
    (next map update I'll make the defenses current ones instead of the base)
    The Swedish Chef is up at Spawn (4)!

  7. Talk about CUTTING IT CLOSE! Gmail's time stamps for my proxy post for Chast and Juabe's proxy email are Thu, Feb 16, 2012 at 11:58 AM and Fri, Feb 17, 2012 at 11:43 AM respectively!

    By the way, it is understandable if you cannot directly post for some reason (work firewall, smartphone weirdness, etc), but let's not make a habit of emailing your actions. Whenever possible, please comment directly against the blog post.

    As per email:
    I take a minor action to toughen myself up, flexing my culinary muscles (stone's endurance). Then I leap towards the control panel as a move action, incorporating a bull rush attempt if possible (combined with a standard action if need be), trying to push away the ghastly ghost rider off it (1d20+5). my athletics to jump is 1d20+14, roll twice

    Stone's Endurance - The Chef gains resist 5 all UENT.
    Charge to bull rush - I'm glad this came up, as this is more complicated than usual. Everyone pay attention!

    As part of the movement of the charge, The Chef makes an Athletics check to jump - with a minimum of 15, there's no contest (the rolls were (15) and (5) for 29 total, for the pedantics). The bull rush comes to (8)+6 (+1 from charge) = 14 vs Fort 14 HIT!!

    Ghost Rider makes a saving throw to avoid falling - (7) FAILURE!!

    The Swedish Chef muscles his Scandinavian bulk onto the platform, shoving the bechained Ghost Rider off into the MEAT GRINDER!!

    Rizzo Rat spawns on location (3)!

  8. Und zee flemeeng skooll gues in zee meet greender. Bork Bork Bork!

    (the translator's at:

  9. But is there a Tagalog-to-Swedish Chef translator?

  10. Rules question: suppose the bull rush had been successful, but Ghost Rider succeeded on his save against being forced into hindering terrain. Under normal conditions, GR would end up prone in the last space before the hindering terrain, which, in this case, is the only square of the control panel. Since non-tiny creatures normally can't end a movement in a non-helpless enemy's space, what would happen to the Chef? Plummet to his doom? Would the Chef be allowed to land on the control platform, but provoke an opportunity attack from GR? What would happen when GR's turn comes back around?

  11. @TFI - You got a direct response to your question, but I think it's important for everyone to know the risk and reward: the Bull Rush Gambit (as I think I'm going to start calling it) takes four separate dice rolls to complete, and will end IN SOMEONE'S DEATH!

    The Chef had only a 29% chance of surviving his attack, but it was worth it! Remember that thinking outside the power cards is encouraged in FourthCore!

  12. Boy, look at that. I walk away from FTDM to do a little family stuff, and a whole mess of stuff happened while I was gone. OH WAIT, NO IT DIDN'T!!

    Rizzo Rat, you have been found GUILTY of delaying the game! Feel the anger of a dozen rusty sawblades as you are GIBBED!!

    Doctor Zoidberg, it's all you, at spawn (1).

  13. The good Doctor Zoidberg blinks into existence, observing his new surroundings. This isn’t the dumpster he was just diving through moments ago, searching for his next meal. No: this place is much classier. Across the room, Zoidberg catches a glimpse of a giant rat as it spontaneously explodes into thousands of bloody pieces. “Gesundheit!” The doctor yells at the newly-formed puddle of blood.
    As the incompetent crustacean looks around, he is suddenly filled with the urge to kill. A little voice in the back of his brain tells him that if he comes out ahead in all of this, there is much fame and fortune to be had. And look; there’s a chef! Perhaps a gourmet meal can be had, too. Time to put that gigantic sausage-maker in the floor to good use…
    Zoidberg readies himself for action, then scuttles into battle.

    Minor: Activate Bladesong encounter power (+2 attack rolls, +5 damage rolls, +2 all defenses until end of my next turn)
    Move: starting in teleporter 1(F4)-E3-conveyor drops me to F3 lower floor, use Acrobatics check to reduce falling damage (+7 to roll)
    Standard: Charge at Bunsen. Start in F3-G3-conveyor>G4-H3-conveyor>H4-I3-J2
    Melee basic attack +9 vs AC (base +6, +2 Bladesong, +1 charge), 1d8 (brutal 1) +9 damage (base +4, +5 Bladesong).
    On a hit, I will use Unseen hand (No action) to ping Bunsen for another 2 Force damage and slide him up to 3 squares: starting in K2-K3-J4-I5

  14. Ok, buddy. You've got a choice to make because apparently, my dice hate you.

    Doctor Zoidberg allows the conveyor to topple him to the lower level, resulting in a 20' fall! The fall deals (9)+(5) = 14 damage, reduced by (3)+7÷2 = 5, for a total of 9 damage. Zoidberg is PRONE!

    You have several options at this point, but from this position (by following your coordinates), Zoidberg cannot charge Bunsen.

  15. As per email: (which is cool, since it was sent from a phone)

    Zoidberg will stand and ACTION POINT to charge!!!

    No really, my "dice" hate you.

    Zoidberg's... mount? squirms him back into a fighting stance and motivates him, sword drawn, towards Bunsen! The attack (2) (drink the hooch!) +9 vs AC 19 - MISSES!

  16. Oh, and Miss Piggy spawns at location (8).

  17. The red curtain goes up around teleporter 8 and Miss Piggy appears behind it in her green scrubs. The announcer’s voice says, "It’s time for Veterinarian’s Hospital, the continuing stoooory of a quack who's gone to the dogs."

    After Piggy finishes adjusting her makeup with a stethoscope as a mirror, she hurries over to Zoidburg and Dr. Honeydew, and says, “Dr. Bob, I think the only treatment for the patient is boiling water and hot butter. Hiya, hiya.” And she karate chops him in the stomach and kicks him in the face sending him flying.

    The announcer says, “And so we see another case of lobster bisque that’s hard to swallow. Tune in next week when you’ll hear Nurse Piggy say…”

    Piggy says, “What do you mean law suit for breaking my Hippocratic Oath?”

    Minor: Magic item font
    Full discipline: Open the Gates of Battle
    Move: K9, L8 (->K8), L7 (->K7), L6 (->K6), L5 (->K6), K4, K3
    Standard: attack Zoidburg for +5 vs. Reflex 16, damage 2d10 + 5, +2 from Flurry of Blows and slide Zoidburg to J3 (teleporter)

  18. Piggy pulls from the Item Font the (1) - Boots of Speed! Then she opens the barnyard gates of battle on the hapless crustacean - (15) +5 = 20 vs Reflex 16 - a HIT!! For (6)+(5) +5 damage = 16 damage, then another 2 from Flurry of Blows! The kick in the face sends Doctor Zoidberg right into the teleporter, to show up back at position (6), with only 1 HP left!

    Lucky for him, the incongruous slab of meat known as Meathook shows up at position (2), facing off a Lapplander with a cleaver!

  19. As Zoidburg reappeared in front of me, can I spend my action point to attempt to finish him (Crane's Wings +5 vs. Fort 15, damage 1d10 + 5, push 1 square)?

  20. You bet you can! (since the comment came in before Meathook's)

    Too bad you rolled a (3) +5 = 8 vs Fort 15 - MISS!! Hey, at least it wasn't a 1!

  21. The Meathook phases into existence, but as the pork chop is too heavy for the hook, it falls over the side, hitting the conveyer below with a loud "THWAT" before it bounces towards the pig. Enraged that Miss Piggy is whole, the animated pork chop flings its hook viciously, blood and juices squirting everywhere as it comes closer to living tissue.

    Athletics check to jump down to the lower level (+9, +4 if its acrobatics to avoid dropping prone). Assuming I don't land prone, move to J4, as I would have 4 squares of movement left. Once in J4, use attack Miss Piggy using my Swift Panther Rage Power: +8 vs AC, 3d10+5 damage on a hit. If w/i 4 of hitting her AC, use heroic effort (finally playing a human, as this power has beaten me so many times before). If I drop her, Swift charge Bunsen. +9 vs AC, 1d10+5 damage on a hit (use HE if didn't need it for Piggy).

    If I fall prone when I jump, use move action to stand, another to move to J4, Action Point to enter swing and enter Rage.

    Free action: Laugh at irony of playing a pork chop on a hook when I didn't know an actual Pig would be one of my opponents!

  22. Okee dokee. Ya ever jumped off a 2-story house?

    Meathook thwats onto the conveyor belt for (10)+(6) = 16 falling damage! Minus half the Acrobatics check - (8)+4÷2 = 6 leaves 10 damage, and Meathook is PRONE!

    Having spent a move action to step off the edge, Meathook does not have the surfeit of actions necessary to move/move/AP. You have several options, most of which involve crawling. Though it's not RAW, I'd allow a crawling charge, since there's precedent in Match 3.

    So. WWMhD?

  23. As per email:
    Blogger is being silly at work, but I wanted to get you my moves ASAP. I will crawling charge Miss Piggy. +7 (8+1 charging, -2 prone) vs AC, 1d10+5 damage. Then, I will use my AP to swing again at Miss Piggy with Swift Panther Rage, hit or miss. This meat means business!

    Meathook charges the felt pig WHILE PRONE! And it's a good thing, too, 'cause he rolled a (1) - HUMILIATION!!

    Let's find out if his rage does full or half damage - (19) +6 = 25 vs AC 19 - HIT!! for (1)+(8)+(10) +5 = 24 damage, bloodying Miss Piggy at 4 HP! Now, that's an Action Point, folks!

  24. I'll get the hang of this PbP DM thing at some point - bits I missed? Meathook is at 19 HP, Gaucho is up at position (1), and... Show us the end of a round, Hap!

  25. @Meathook "Linky is that you? I know you took the cancellation of Pigs in Space hard, but this isn't the answer"

  26. I made a graphical glitch - DeuceDM requested for Meathook to be in J-4, and I placed him in K-4. Both are legal per the charge rules, so I'll let him decide, and if he chooses J-4, I'll update his location in the map for Round 2.

  27. Gaucho activates the teleport to spawn point #5 and shifts to square B2. Smelling bacon on the table Gaucho draws his longbow and takes aim a the snotty pig across the map.

    Mechanics -
    +7 vs AC; Damage 1d10+5

  28. ... Ok, so after some email clarifications, we have Gaucho's turn! The actions taken, for those scoring at home, are a Move/Minor/Minor/AP.

    Stepping through the 'port to position (1)+4 = 5 (lucky dog), Gaucho swaps his weapons, enters the Aspect of the Cunning Fox, and fires at Miss Piggy! Rolling a (14)+7 = 21 vs AC 19 - HIT!! for (7)+5 = 12 damage!

    But, what's this? The curvacious sow is still standing? She is Dazed at -8 HP! As a free action from Cunning Fox, Gaucho shifts to A-3.

    I will provide a link to the next round shortly! Bunsen Honeydew, be prepared for your turn!

  29. Per email, Miss Piggy chooses to activate Dark Reaping.

    Next round is right here.