Play-by-Post: Match 07 Round 03 SLAUGHTERHOUSE

Bunsen - Ghost Rider - Swedish Chef - Rizzo Rat - Dr. Zoidberg - Miss Piggy - Meathook - Gaucho

Round 1 Round 2 Round 4 Round 5 Round 6

Bunsen Honeydew scrambles frantically against the might of the conveyors, and ultimately LOSES!! But not before transdimensionally screwing over Gaucho and Meathook!
Bunsen Honeydew is GIBBED!! Ghost Rider starts his turn prone at the top of the world! He does his best to knock Rizzo Rat into the sawblades, but ultimately merely wounds the giant rat!
The Swedish Chef spawns safely at position 8, on the lower level, nowhere near Ghost Rider and a long, bladed fall. Alas, he does NOTHING with that safety, so the DM kicks him to the curb!
It is Rizzo Rat's honorable duty to cause DEATH and MAYHEM! Too bad his DISHONOR may only result in his own death!
Doctor Zoidberg shows us how it's done! Time-wise anyway - no blood!?
Miss Piggy, ready for anything, whirls across the map slapping and smacking every WTFer in the way!
Miss Piggy is BLOODIED!!
Meathook is GIBBED!!
Meathook immediately takes his sweet revenge!
Miss Piggy is GIBBED!! Gaucho starts his turn prone on the conveyor! And ends his turn prone in the Grinder!
Gaucho is GIBBED!!


  1. Even as bits of fuzz fall out of him, the good doctor pulls himself to his feet. “My name is Doctor Bunsen Honeydew, and Science! Presses! On! Today’s lesson is Newton’s Third Law. We shall see what the opposite reaction is when you are hit by objects fired from a cannon.”

    With a press of his button, Sam the Eagle appears on a platform floating outside the arena, standing guard over 7 cannons laid out in a row pointing at Meathook and Guacho. “Very well Doctor, when you are ready…wait! This is not the proper number of cannons!” Another press reveals a second row of cannons, positioned above the first. “14? That is still not correct.” A third press reveals a third row of cannons. “A 21 gun salute. Now that is more like it! Fire when ready, Doctor.” Sam salutes as one final press sends a volley of chickens soaring through the air straight at Meathook and Guacho, driving them away among a flurry of feathers.

    Move action: Stand up
    Standard action: Dimensional Scramble, Augment 2, centered at B4.
    +6 vs Fort 14 for both, 2d6 +5 damage on hit, teleport Guacho to D5, Meathook to D6

    Further actions to come after results of attack

  2. Guess what. Meathook's Avalanche Strike changed nothing because - (20) CRITICAL HIT!! for 6+6+5 = 17 damage! (bloodied at 12 HP)

    But does it hit Gaucho? (15)+6 = 21 vs Fort 14 - HIT!! for (1)+(3)+5 = 9 damage! (down to 16 HP)

    Both parties are teleported to the edge of the conveyor - does Bunsen have further actions?

  3. I have gotta start remembering to put down Heroic Effort, though luckily it wasn't needed. And I apparently need to learn to count, thought I was 5 away from Piggy, not 6

    "I do hope clearing out those ne'er-do-wells makes up for my lack of help earlier, Miss Piggy." Breathing heavily from the toll this arena is taking on him, the doctor pulls a vial out of his pocket and pours it over his lab coat, a thick foam growing all over it.

    Minor action: Resistive Formula - +1 to AC until EoE or I end it for THP
    Free action: Prepare for a meeting with the grinder

  4. (7) to save against fall - and Bunsen is GIBBED in the GRINDER!! For Science!

    Ghost Rider starts his turn on the platform, prone!

  5. Flamehead bounds to his feat and whips his chain out to bind Rizzo and drags him off the edge!

    Lightning Lure - +5 Vs 15 Fort; 1d6 +5 lightning damage and pull to F8.
    If Rizzo doesn't fall to his death, the venegeful spirit jabs a bony finger at the console and nails the rat from behind. +8 vs AC 19; 1d10 +7 damage and push 1 (off the platform).
    Drop prone.

    1. Dropping prone is a Minor Action; thou art standing.

  6. Wow, you posted just as I was tapping out your obituary! Well, can't let the timing go without consequences. Let's see if you can roll your way past a -2 penalty, shall we?

    Lightning Lure - (2)+5-2 = 5 vs Fort 15 - MISS!!

    Nailgun - (13)+8-2 = 19 vs AC 19 - HIT!! for (3)+7 = 10 damage and push 1 - save vs fall? (12) - PRONE!!

    Move/Standard/Minor - I'm on my iPod at the moment, so let me know if you can circumvent that to fall prone. Otherwise, The Chef spawns in location (8).

    1. Does he need to be standing in order to use the control panel? If not, then he could have just remained prone for his entire turn. Lightning Lure would have taken another -2, but that doesn't really matter since it missed anyway.

    2. Amazing how quickly a day goes by, eh?

      The DM appears, spreads his arms wide, and shouts to all assembled, "Are you not entertained!?" before kicking The Chef down in G-4, before vanishing in a splash of d20s!

      Rizzo, yer up!

      @TFI - er, no. If that decision had been made before the dice rolls, sure.

  7. Swedish Chef (Juabe?) and Rizzo (Stephen?):

    You are embarrassing and defeating your own team by not posting within the 24 hour guidelines and getting yourself gibbed. If you can't make this kind of commitment, that's fine, just let us know so that the people who actually can play can get in the game.

    To All:

    Please, hit the little link on the bottom right of the screen that says "Subscribe by email". Check your email at least once a day to see if your turn is close. As soon as you are able, post your turn. If you are having trouble posting, try a couple of different profiles (you can cycle through them just below the comment box, after "Comment as:"). If you still have trouble, email your team your actions to post, not the Dungeon Master.


  8. So yeah. What he said. My circadian rhythms caused me to pass out exhausted before the 24-hour deadline - so even after a lengthy biology-induced grace period, Rizzo (and his team) has not posted nor emailed his actions!

    So I'll just nudge him over heeah (Cartman voice), and see what happens next round. Rizzo is prone in C-8!

    Zoidberg - you won't disappoint us, will you?

  9. Not sure what the fate of Chef and Rizzo is going to be; but a combination of greed and lack of targets in range has overcome Zoidberg. He slips the fashionable boots over his worn out flip-flops, and tucks the urn into his labcoat pocket, wondering how the ashes inside will taste. He scuttles away from the teleporter square, and waits for more bloodshed.

    Minor- Mage hand to pick up the Boots of Speed and Mystic Urn in K-3
    Move- Mage hand the held items into Zoidberg's square
    Minor- Use boots of speed to move to L-3

  10. Now that's the kind of response we were seeing in the famous 1-day-round back in Match 3!

    Mage Hand would only retrieve one item, but - there's like six ways RAW to get Zoidberg to L-3 with the items that I'm not going to worry about it.

    For Miss Piggy, the world's her oyster!

    1. My bad. The notes for the Magic Item Font says:
      Special: Dead dungeoneers immediately drop any unused magic items on the square where they died. Any number of these magic items can be picked up by a creature in that square as a minor action.
      I guess I just assumed - or was being hopeful - that Mage Hand could pick up multiples as well. But like you said, there was more than one way to skin this cat.

  11. Having made it to her turn un-bloodied, Miss Piggy starts singing “I Will Survive” and doing a dance routine. When she gets to “And now you’re back from outer space,” she karate chops Meathook on “back” and kicks Gaucho on “space”. She continues moving toward Zoidburg.

    Standard: Spinning Leopard Maneuver which allows me to shift my speed and make an attack against each enemy I move adjacent to. I shift to B5 (->C5), C4, D3, E2 (->E3), F2 (->F3), G2 (->G3), hitting Meathook then Gaucho in the process. Attack verses Meathook +9 (5 and 4 from his power) vs. Ref (12), 2d6 + 5 damage (thank you WotC for nerfing the damage). If I hit, I use Flurry of Blows on Gaucho for 2 damage and slide him to E6 (and DOOM!). Attack verses Gaucho (if still relevant) +5 (additional +2 if he’s prone) vs. Ref (17), 2d6 + 5 damage. Note: if either drop to 0, I activate Dark Reaping (additional 1d8 + 3 necrotic damage on next creature I hit before the end of my next turn).

    If I didn’t get a killing spree (most likely)
    Move: H2 (->H3), I3, J4
    Minor: pick up a magic item (and hopefully won’t loose it).

    If I do get a killing spree (unlikely)
    Activate Open the Gates of Battle
    Move: H2 (->H3), I3, J4, K4
    Standard: Attack Zoidburg +5 vs. Reflex (14), damage 2d10+5+1d10 (Zoidburg undamaged).
    Minor: If I drop Zoidburg I pick up his magic items, otherwise I pout.

  12. Fun Fact: under slightly contrived circumstances, you could hit 35 targets with Spinning Leopard at first level - 3d8 does seem a little high when you realize it's the same size as a blast 6.

    Ok, let's take this complicated attack step by step.
    •   Attack against Meathook: (5)+5+4 = 14 vs Ref 12 - HIT!! for (5)+(3)+5 = 13 damage, dropping Meathook to -1 HP, triggering Dark Reaping! (and, oh look, he's got Stormhawk Vengeance! - Piggy's bloodied at 13 HP)
    •   Flurry of Blows against Gaucho: 2 damage, leaving Gaucho at 14 HP! Slide, save vs fall - (19) - PRONE!
    •   Attack against Gaucho: (5)+5+2 = 12 vs Ref 17 - MISS!!
    •   Item is (9) - Wings of Wrath!

    As I haven't had any indication otherwise, Meathook self-gibs to respawn at (6)!

    And the answer to your unasked question is: Yes, it counts as an attack - it has a target and does damage - but not as "hitting" with an attack.

    1. If it counts as an attack, wouldn't Dark Reaping then hit Gaucho with the Flurry of Blows.

      And crap, I'm the obvious target for Meathook again.

    2. And *poof* it's an asked question!

      Magic Missile wouldn't get bonus Dark Reaping damage either, 'cause you still have to "hit". Nor would attacks that don't do damage, as it's "bonus damage".

      Take comfort in the fact that you can't be knocked into the grinder, making it that much more likely that you'll still have Dark Reaping.

  13. This hot, sexy piece of panther steak comes at Ms. Piggy, draw to her pink, fatty, muppety flesh. The hook flies towards her. This time, it won't be denied!

    Standard Action" Avalanche Strike vs Ms. Piggy, +8 vs AC, 3d10+8 damage on a hit, +4 against me until SoNT.
    Minor Action: Draw from magic item font.
    Move Action: If I hit and drop Piggy, move to L9, zigzagging across the conveyer belt. Enter at K5-L5, move six squares total to L9 (unless I am seeing that wrong, let me know).

    If I don't drop piggy, shift to I3.

  14. Oh, and heroic effort if need be to hit...

  15. What a... vivid description! Not sure bacon for breakfast was the best idea...

    Avalanche Strike - (13)+8 = 21 vs AC 19 - HIT!! for (5)+(6)+(9)+8 = 28 damage!! Miss Piggy drops below 0 HP - I will assume that Meathook does NOT want to try to swift charge the Swedish Chef (he could if he wants... there's an Athletics check and a save vs fall involved...) - to a total of -15 HP!

    I love me them revenants, but even negative bloodied takes them out. Miss Piggy is GIBBED!!

    The item font gives (4) - Disc of Repulsion - and Meathook strolls to L-9.

  16. Oh yeah, it's the start of Gaucho's turn - save vs fall! (17) - still prone though!

  17. I'm going to make this explicit, just in case any dungeoneer on the board wishes to use it.

    Any dungeoneer can use a free action to treat themselves as "helpless" until the end of their next turn. Basically the reverse of total defense.

    Ya know. Just in case it comes up.

  18. I'm about ready to Porkalate the lot o' ya!

    Gaucho, you have delayed the game! As part of the team with the better score, you don't get the benefit of the doubt. Into the Grinder for you!

    New post to come soon!

    1. I don't see why we can't have a Pigs in Space reunion.

  19. New round here - Bunsen spawns at (5).