Play-By-Post Match 17 | Round 08

Recommended Listening:
Wehrmacht - Biermacht


  1. “Oh yeah, the shit is going to hit the fan now. I have shit and a fan in here. Now all I have to do is find an electric outlet.” Oscar says as he pops out of the portal. “I ain’t going to have a pimp on my street unless I get a cut.” Oscar says as he swings at the pimp. He hits nearly killing him.
    Oscar walks away, ignoring the Pimp feeble attempts to strike back. He attacks the Red Skull. Hitting him and gravely wounding him. "Oh, look a power outlet." Suddenly the Pimp, Skull, and Dynamo are sprayed with shit.

    Standard: Ardent Strike on Pimp Ernel. (4)+8+1(bloody opponent)+2(CA)= 15 vs. 14. Hit for (4)+5=9 damage leaving him at 1. The Pimp is under Oscar’s Divine Sanctum until the end of Oscar’s next turn.
    Move: Walk K11->L10->M9->M8->L7 (do your worst Ernel!)
    AP: Valorous Smite on Red Skull. (18)+8=26 vs. 19. Hit for (3)+(8)+5=16 taking the Skull to 1 (I can’t get a break for a killing spree). Red Skull and Crimson Dynamo are now also under my divine sanctum (that’s everyone but the Red Baron).

    1. Noticing a trash can charging past him the pimp casually sticks out an arm and clotheslines the rapidly moving Muppet.
      (16+6) vs AC = Hit. Activating Furious Assault. 4d6+5 = 21. Oscar is at 10.

  2. "All these Hos be gettin' on Pimp Ernell's nerves. At times like these a pimp needs some liquid comfort to soothe his soul..."
    Pimp Ernell attempts to simultaneously down a 40 and slap Elmo silly. Unfortunately this results in him spilling delicious malt beverage down the front of his velvet jacket while Elmo just ends up soaked in OE.
    Move: Stand up
    Standard: Resurgent Strike on Elmo (8)+8=Barely miss.
    If Oscars sanction cares about misses then I'm smited? smitten? smote?

    1. "Hey, I have an old radiator, want it." Oscar tosses a broken radiator. "Take 8 radiator damage."

      Also did you want to take your OA against Oscar when he moved (you would have still been prone).

    2. Thanks for the reminder. Replied to previous post, doesn't change anything on my turn.


    MAP UPDATED (score is one more skull then shown for Red Alert)

  4. Once again rejoining the battle, singing an old German drinking song whilst using his majestic gaze to command the battlefield from his biplane. Just seeing his plane causes Elmo to move in fear!

    Flying low over the crows nest knocks Cookie Monster off and sends nearly the entire gaggle of muppets to the edge of the boat to toss their proverbial cookies.

    The Red Baron again lands on the enemies own airfield and taunts them defiantly to do something about it.

    Minor: Sustain whirlwind, sliding Elmo to M11.
    Standard: Beguiling Strands +6vs will vs the entire Street gang.
    Ernie (14)+6=20 HIT!
    Oscar (8)+6=14 MISS BY 1!
    Elmo (9)+6=15 HIT!
    Cookie Monster (15)+6=21 HIT!
    Elven Accuracy reroll on Oscar (7)+6=13 MISS

    Saves from falling:
    Ernie 15 - prone at M6 and at 15.
    Elmo 16 - prone at M11 and bloodied at 10.
    Cookie Monster 7 - into the lava!

    Should the DM rule that CM gets an additional save and isn't thrown into the air and straight down into the lava and instead falls to the deck and is then pushed again, falling damage is 9+3=12 putting him at 1 and prone at M9, and second save would be a 17. But I suspect the DM will fling the blue beast into the lava.

    Move to E3.

    1. For those watching and having a hard time seeing how this close blast is legal and hits all of the stated dungeoneers, it is helpful to remember that Cookie Monster is directly above square K9. Now we're thinking with portals!

      As per Rules As Written, the Baron may chose to fling his forced movement target OVER the hazardous/hindering terrain of the drop off of the crow's nest and straight into the lava. That course of action, naturally, results in Cookie Monster's imminent demise.

      !!! BRUTALITY !!!

  5. As Ernie self-erects (which, btw, is really creepy for a muppet to do), Ducky falls out of his pocket, squeaking ever so cutely. He dusts himself off, and looks around. "That was very rude, shoving everybody around. It's not nice to shove, Baron." Then, in a display of arrogant hypocrisy, Ernie swings his plastic play-sword into the Baron's side!

    Minor: summon Duck in L-6 - Duck gives adjacent Oscar +2 power bonus to defenses.
    Move: Ernie stands. Duck shifts to K-6.
    Standard: Ernie charges to K-4, using Ardent Strike on Baron
       Provokes: OA from Dynamo, and Aegis from Skull - feel free to take those, guys. Oscar would love that.
       Attack: (8)+7 +1 (charge) -2 (marked) = 14 +4 (Heroic Effort) = 18 vs AC 15 - HIT!
       Hit: (7)+4 damage, Baron now carries Ernie's Divine Sanction (marked, radiant damage, blah blah) and is at 13 HP

    EVERY SINGLE member of Red Alert is marked! That's gotta be an FTDM first. BTW, to be pedantic, Ernie's aura is basically doing nothing at the moment, because both Dynamo and Baron are carrying superseding marks.

  6. Cookie Monster reappears, feeling ready to party. He slides a healing cookie across the deck to Elmo and slips by Skull to try to form a conga line. His lack of grace, though, ends up with him way out of position and smashing Skull's face into the floor instead.

    Respawn at 1

    Minor: Healing Word on Elmo - regain 7 HP and +2 attack until end of my next turn

    Move: Shift to J7

    Standard: Blessing of Law on Skull
    (18)+7=25 vs AC hits
    14 damage, dropping Skull to -13
    Normally there's an effect here as well, but I'm pretty sure it goes away due to Respawning

  7. Нет больше унижения для меня!, the Crimson Dynamo snarls, unleashing a fire from his jet pack.

    Move - Stand.
    Standard - Ignition +5 vs Fort, damage 1d10+11
    Damage - (7)+11 = 18
    vs Oscar - (18)+5 = 23 Hit. Oscar takes 13 and goes to -3.
    vs Ducky - (19)+5 = 24 Hit. Ducky takes 18 and goes to -11.
    vs Cookie Monster - (7)+5 = 12+4 Heroic Effort. Cookie Monster takes 18 and goes to 12 and is bloodied.
    Minor - Почему я не могу иметь любые незначительные действия?

    Ernie or Ducky can take an opportunity attack if they wish, but I ain't rollin it.

    1. Also, totally gibbed Red Skull. Villains do not respect each other.

    2. Is this fire damage, if so Oscar only takes 8 due to fire resistance 5 (at 2 hp). Also fiery rebuke has not popped yet so take (1)+5=6 fire damage leaving Dynamo at 13, if ignition is not fire, then take an additional 10 thunder from Stormhawk's Vengeance.

    3. oops missed that you included the DR. Dynamo takes 10 from Stormhawk's.

    4. Ernie can't come to the board right now, but feel free to leave your howling screams of pain with his assistant, and he'll get back to you when he can.

      Ducky takes the OA

      +6 vs AC 12
      18+6=24, hit!

      1d12+4 damage
      9+4=13 damage, so Dynamo ends his turn at -10 hp

    5. Bryan and I were jabbing back and forth here - and decided this was IMPORTANT ENOUGH to whip out the computer during a children's party.

      That OA drops Dynamo to 0 HP before he resolves that crazy attack, right? He's not at -10 HP, because Oscar's Stormhawk's never goes off.

      Oscar's at 10 HP, Ducky's at 7 HP, Dynamo's at 0 HP, and Cookie's at 30. Dynamo keeps his Heroic Effort.

      Ernie loves his Ducky.

    6. No, this stuff is out of order, so let's reorganize it.
      Dynamo was at 19 HP.
      The OA happens first, dropping Dynamo to 6 and the attack still goes off. Infernal Wrath deals 6 and drops him to 0, and Stormhawk brings him to -10

  8. Hoooooly crap! There are so many marks!!! I think we're good. In fact, we're good, we're moving on no matter what.

    The Duck is gibbed at -11 HP!

    Map updated!


  9. ... and Red Skull Respawns at Location (3)!

  10. [IC]

    Reappearing on the ship so soon has caused a fury and a rage to burn up inside of the Red Skull. Insanity and wrath can be seen on the horrific red macabre visage of one of the world's greatest villains as he surges forward towards the Quarterdeck. Seeing a whirling wind blocking his path, he pulls out his trusty teleportation run and appears upon the Quarterdeck with his hands on the wheel.

    "STIRB." The Red Skull mutters to himself quietly. "Ficken sie ins Knie und Stirb!"

    *Translations provided by the now-volunteering Herr Doktor Arnim Zola: "DIE." ...
    F*** you all and die!"

    *Move to K13, avoiding OAs from the proned Elmo (and the unconscious Oscar, of course)

    *Standard, trade for another Move: Fey Step to E17 (Free MBA from Eladrin Swordmage Advance vs the wheel to make it turn port-side?? Wishful thinking, I know. But +6 vs AC anyhow. Because it's a damn cool idea!)

    *Minor: Shoot a dour glare to everyone on the main deck. Maybe snarl at them angrily or something.

    *Free: Tell everyone to die in German.

  11. Attacking the wheel is an awesomely fun idea, and I'll pass the idea along to Benoit. Maybe it will be in the next map iteration!

    Elmo starts his turn, face down yet again.

  12. Hey! Only Elmo get's to play with Mr. Wheel!

    Minor: sustain cyclone
    Move: Stand up
    Standard: charge Skull at F16. MBA - +7 vs AC, 1d8 + 3 + 6 (flurry) damage.

  13. OOC: Out of the office this morning, results and Round 09 coming in the afternoon.


    Charge: (4)+6+1 vs. AC 19; miss!


    The skull-gap closes tighter and team Red alert makes for a last minute dash to the finish line in Round 09: http://www.fourthcoreteamdeathmatch.com/2013/01/play-by-post-match-17-round-09.html