Play-by-Post: Match 09 Round 01 PINBALL WIZARD

Bob McKenzie, The Master, Celine Dion, The Doctor, Last Centurion, Jack Harkness, William Shatner, Alex Trebek
Initative has been rolled, places are set, and machine is full of quarters. And by "quarters" I mean "horrible dismemberment".

Each dungeoneer has an expertly crafted character sheet, some of them with tricks that surprised even veterans such as myself, fulfilling the needs of the Fourthcore Pillar of Strategy. Will they be able to pick up Tactics and Luck as well, or will they fall down, pillar-less, like a house of cards?

The Eh Team takes the lead out of the gate with initiative, we two characters set to end each round. Fun Fact: Every single character has a +0 initiative modifier.

Bob McKenzie, eh, starts off rocketing out of the plunger on what is shaping to be a momentous map, with some bizarre terrain powers that truly stretch the limits of what 4E D&D can accomplish.

I hope you're ready for this shit.

Initative and visual descriptions of the dungeoneers are as follows:
  • Bob McKenzie (2); Voidsoul Genasi, robes, unarmed
  • The Master (4); Tie Break (5); Satyr, chainmail, longsword & wand
  • Celine Dion (4); Tie Break (10); Voidsoul Genasi, robes, unarmed
  • The Doctor (12); Human, robes, unarmed
  • Last Centurion (17); Tie Break (6); Dwarf, scale armor, halberd Dwarfcore!
  • Jack Harkness (17); Tie Break (14); Eladrin, leather armor, glaive
  • William Shatner (18); Voidsoul Genasi, robes, unarmed
  • Alex Trebek (19); Human, robes, unarmed


  1. OK, so especially on this first round, let's take things step by step and be real clear about how the terrain is working.

    Bob McKensie Respawns in. He pushes himself away from the Plunger (3)+(3) = 6 squares.
    Sometime during the Start of Turn, he MUST pull himself 3 squares towards the Drain.


  2. Dude, what? Did they all turn in the same sheet?

    1. What are you saying? all Canadians look alike to you?

    2. Gee, thanks. Now I have to clean my keyboard.

    3. Whomever thought up "The Eh Team" -- PURE GENIUS

  3. A couple quick notes:

    * I screwed up the stats for the Canadians just a hair. Alex Trebek is Human with robes, a dagger, and an orb; in stark contrast to the real-life Trebek who is clearly a higher-order alien being from the Fifth Dimension.

    * Per Rules As Written, the push effect from Respawning is generated by the current player, so they may choose to push themselves less distance if they want.

    * Running into the Extra Ball trigger (square G3) allows you to Respawn any dungeoneer, even the ones not on the map, even the ones that haven't acted in the match yet. Roll high!

  4. I didn't notice there's no wall on the line to the right, this means I can push out diagonally right? I'll push up and left to D6, and be pulled down and to the right to E9. I'll use a minor action: void assumption. And since I no longer exist, I guess my turn is done.

    1. Pushing out diagonally right is quite possible. In the original map, there's actually a little overhang that steps out at vertex D-E/6-7 which James has not put in there. I'm going to stick with this map, meaning the push to D6 is all thumbs up.

      The Master can now start the map for Team Who with a push of up to (3)+(1) squares! He must also be pulled 3 squares during the start of his turn, which can be either before or after the Respawn push.

    2. By the by, the power that I used removes me from play until the start of my next turn. no one has line of sight\effect to me until I return. at the start of my turn I can reappear within three of the space I last occupied. It's a Genasi voidsoul racial power. Sorry for not explaining earlier.

  5. Also, wow! OpenOffice does not like my file setup and is giving me something pretty hideous. I'll see what I can do about that.

  6. Fluff
    da-da-da-da da-da-da-da

    "Oh, all right then, it's me! Ta-da!"

    The dronning drum beat gets louder....da-da-da-da da-da-da-da

    "It's everywhere. Listen. Listen. Listen. Here come the drums... here come... the drums... "


    Push [Respawn]

    Pull [Drain]

    Buy down to MINOR
    Skald's Aura

    Buy Down to MINOR
    Cautionary Tale

    Buy Down to MINOR
    Disruptive Words

    Push [Bumper]

    1. The Master spins around the board, prepping for a devastating strike if only he had someone to kill!

      I feel like every move we make on this map, every post, I'm a little shaky and unsure of how things are going. Making sure were sticking to rules as written, keeping an eye out to make sure that the match feels like a pinball game, keeping an eye out for ridiculous combos that break the map.

      But then everyone starts bouncing around and it's like yeah, yeah this is really happening.

      Celine Dion, god help us, is up, Respawning out of The Plunger with an anemic (1)+(2) squares!

  7. The foul creature known as Celine Dion, Codename: BANSHEE, materializes in a cloud of self-aggrandizing planar energy. Recently recalled from her mission in Nevada (where she was unleashing her unholy sonic attack on unsuspecting tourists), BANSHEE has been tasked with the annihilation of the Doctor Who franchise (on the ancient time-tested battleground of pinball).

    She quickly seeks out the Master and unleashes a sonic blast that sends the pathetic Time Lord reeling. She then disappears into the twisted abyssal plane that spawned her (ie Quebec).


    Respawn: Push to G9.

    Drain: Pull to F10, activating bumper and push to F8.

    Standard Action:
    Hypnotism on The Master
    +6 vs. will
    Hit: slide to D12

    Minor Action:
    Wizard’s Fury

    Minor Action:
    Void Assumption

  8. Oh but the dice have not been kind to Ms. Dion as she fades away into C List obscurity

    (5)+6 vs Will 16 ;Miss!

    The Doctor Respawns in with a (2)+(3)

  9. Fluff:
    After a whirring sound, a mysterious blue police box appears and a man in a U-boat jacket steps out. “T.A.R.D.I.S. control went crazy in there. I wonder where I am. Looks like 29th century construction, maple leaves painted on the wall, thermostat set ridiculously low… must be the Canadian lifeboat the Great White North Starship. Seems someone left the air lock open, wonder if that can be fixed.

    “I remember a very nice visit last time I was here, though I could never get the T.A.R.D.I.S. to translate Canadian. Everyone was saying, ‘Eh, hoser, the Eh Team is gonna to take you oot.” If I was translating correctly, a curling team buying me lunch could be interesting.

    “Five billion languages and the T.A.R.D.I.S has trouble with Canadian. I’ll see if I can get that fixed this time.

    “Master, what are you doing here? We’re going to have to need to work together to get the air lock closed. I think that I see the controls over in the corner. You go for the controls and I’ll see if I can communicate to the natives.” The doctor goes into the police box and works on the translator while the Master heads for the corner.

    Plunger forced move gets the Doctor to E7.

    Drain pulls the Doctor E8, E9, E10… wait bumper stops him at E9 (bounce to come).

    Standard: Total defense.

    Move: Uh… the T.A.R.D.I.S is bigger on the inside, so I spend the 6 spaces of move in there.

    Minor: Try to fix the translator so it can translate Canadian.

    Bumper forced move: D8 and then into the master.
    Combo Shot forced move: Master is forced D6 -> E5; then the Telethrower sends him to the steak sauce square giving him a Bonus Point (+5 to next damage roll). Doctor is forced E9->bumper, then the bumper sends him F8->G7.

    Trash talk:
    I pulled out my American-Canadian dictionary and I figured out why there’s no blood yet:
    Deathmatch (Can.) – n, Hide-n-Go-Seek
    Deathmatch (U.S.) – n, Hockey riot
    We aren’t going to have blood until the 7th player goes because Canadians would rather disappear than risk taking a hit and Celine can’t hit the broad side of the barn… from the inside. We need blood, explosions, and general mayhem.

    1. Oh, thank you Bob. If you had been there, the Master would have never been able to get to the Bonus Point.

    2. Take off, hoser. I'll be back when I finish my beer, and I'll show you bonus points...

    3. Just like a Canadian to leave the game when it's just starting, go to get a beer, and then forget which snow drift they left the beer in.

    4. That's why we put beer in all of the snow drifts.

    5. Oh man, those beer filled snow drifts... One more thing Canada has and the U.S. needs.

  10. You guys, hilarious! Getting back to a real computer asap, map updates, etc probably around 7pm EST

  11. Bing bang boom! All this bouncing around is crazy awesome!

    Map updated!

    The Last Centurion bounces out of The Plunger with a (5)+(3)!

  12. The Lone Centurion, a little confused, whirls out of the plunger tube in a flash of light and time! He suddenly finds himself face-to-face with the Doctor.

    "What? When? Oh... you're the Doctor, aren't you? What's going on?" Suddenly flung away from the Doctor, he bounces off the nearby bumper and whirls around the Doc again.

    After the Doctor fires off an accurate but incomprehensible explanation, Rory mumbles "I'm sorry, I didn't get that at all. Something about points and gravity is time?" before spinning off in the opposite direction!

    Respawn: push to F-8, then G-7. Doctor halts the movement at F-8 and queues up a Combo Shot.
    Drain: pull to F-10, stopped by the bumper in F-9. Bumper queued up.
    Standard: Full Defense.
    End of turn: Whee!! WACKY HIJINKS!!
    •  Bumper first. Push to G-7, Doctor halts movement in F-8 and queues up a second Combo Shot.
    •  Combo Shot! Push Centurion to D-6. Push Doctor to H-5.
    •  Combo Shot! Push Centurion to B-4. Push Doctor to I-4. No targets for Drop Target.

    1. And with this, "The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers" started playing on continuous repeat in my head.

    2. Wow, hijinks indeed! Map updated, and Jack Harkness steals onto the scene with a push (6)+(2) from the Plunger!

  13. Ian is sick and may not be able to post, so I'm going to ninja this. We had discussed the move and I believe this was the decided plan for mass destruction (someone correct me if I'm wrong, I may have missed it with so many ball up in the air).

    Plunger: push to B4, which stops Jack @ C5
    Drain: Fall B6, A7 stops in B6 due to bumper
    Standard: Total defense
    Combo shot: Jack -> D8, Rory -> C3 (dwarf slowing push down to 1)
    Bumper Jack -> F7

    1. Ninjaed while I was working on it.


      "Where's the party? I was told there'd be some Canadians here. Hey Doctor! Long time no see!" Jack looks around and sees someone he hasn't met before, and decides to try the direct approach. "Hi, I'm Jack Harness. Nice to meet you."

    2. The board is getting full with dungeoneers, meaning tons of opportunities for zany, conservation-of-momentum antics!


      Bill Shatner is pushed (3)+(1) squares out of the Plunger!

    3. FTDM FIRST!

      Every Member of one team alive and on a map with NO members of the other team on the Board.


  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

  15. Shatner appears slightly confused the last thing he remembers is being blown up on a bus.


    Although he cannot see her (and she technically doesn’t exist) the sheer machismo of William Shatner is drawn towards the only female available on this strange plane of existence.

    Shatner looks around and sees only people in funny looking sci-fi outfits and realizes he must be in some kind of Star Trek episode. A menacing figure standing on some kind of pain giving device catches his attention.

    “Phasers set to kill,” the Captain fires a quick shot then taps his communicator says “Scotty beam me up” and vanishes.

    Respawn: Push to F8
    Drain: pull to F11 stopped by bumper at F9
    Minor Action: Wizard’s Fury
    Standard Action: Magic Missile the Doctor for 7 damage
    Move Action (minor): Void Assumption

    1. The Shat hits the fan and blasts the Doctor down to 17 HP!

      The Bumper also pushes you out 2 squares, so there's that.

      For the final Respawn of the opening round, I ask that all posts be made in the form of a question, as Alex Trebek gets pushed out of the Plunger with (6)+(2) squares of fury!

    2. I figured he didn't mention the Bumper push because he didn't exist at the end of his turn to be targeted by it. So how does that end up working?

    3. Good point, Shatner has thus left the board at the same square as Celine Dion.

  16. Da Da Da Da....

    The age-old quiz-time music announces the arrival of Codename Mastemind. "Are we on? Johnny...?" Seeing a handful of people before him, Trebek, ever the showman, falls right into his routine. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we have four contestants: a renegade Time Lord, a Roman officer, an immortal con man, and a Doctor who lives in a phone booth."

    Our categories are: Linear Time and Causality, Surviving Extra-Dimensional Tournaments, NAFTA, Terms of Mortality (each question will be a synonym for death or dying), and in honour of the bicentennial, The War of 1812...

    "The good Doctor is up first. The answer is: The colour of the house burned by Upper Canadian forces in 1814. Doctor...? I'm sorry, you're out of time, and lose 7 points. The correct question is: What is White?"

    For more information on the burning of Washington, ask at your local library.

    Plunger push to E7, stopping in F8 (set up combo shot).
    Drain Pull to F10, stopping in F9 (set up bumper).

    Standard: Magic Missile vs the Doctor for 7 damage.

    End of Round:
    Bumper: push to E7, stopping in F8 (set up combo shot)
    Combo Shot 1: Push me to H6, and Jack to D9.
    Combo Shot 2: Push me to H5, then I4, stopping in H5 (set up combo
    shot); push Jack to B11.
    Combo Shot 3 vs Doctor: Push myself to G6, and the Doctor to I3.

    1. Oh my god, that is some funny shit.

      END OF ROUND 1!!!
      A tense setup, with a lot of carefully planned bouncing reactions, as the elusive Eh Team bounces around so hard that they have remained off the board for the vast majority of the match. Will their strategy of non-existence prevail for "America's Hat"?


  17. "I hate to argue Mr. Trebek, but the night before the fire I was in a bar with John Payne Todd and told him that I thought white was a rather boring colour. By the next day, his step-father's house was a good three quarters pink by the time it was burned."

    1. What is Kebert Xela?